REVIEW – Not enough lives to save ‘Nine Lives’

Did Kevin Spacey lose a bet? Hell, did lose a bet?

It’s another Netflix Tuesday review for you: yep, I took on the family comedy Nine Lives, starring Christopher Walkin, Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Garner and Malina Wasserman. In what plays out like a furrier, far more stupid version of Click, a driven albeit ignorant CEO is forced to ‘reunite’ with his family when his daughter requests a cat for her 11th birthday. That reunion involves turning Kevin Spacey into a cat.

There’s a reason why this film has a measley 11% on Rotten Tomatoes. Where do I begin?

First of all, I’m a massive fan of four actors in this film: Spacey and Walkin are legends, Garner is too lovable for her own good, and Wasserman is a decent up-and-comer you may recognize from the most recent incarnation of Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events. While everyone else in this film is white noise, I wouldn’t have expected these four (maybe with the exception of Wasserman, who is just starting her career) to sign on for such a wreck of a movie.

The plot is very been there, done that. We’ve seen the prodigal father before; he’s usually too busy for his family, and so he has to ‘learn a lesson.’ Said lesson kicks off in the most bizarre of places. This time, instead of Bed, Bath and Beyond a la Click, we’re heading down the alley to Purrkins Pet Shop. (You see? You see how bad this is? It’s not about to get better, folks.) The acting is cheesy, the moments of redemption are corny, and trying to pass off Spacey as being able to voice a cat doesn’t work in any way shape or form.

I’d also like to give the special effects team a shout out for one of the worst visual experiences I’ve ever had. There’s one scene in the elevator where Spacey’s eldest son goes up an elevator – and it is painful to look at.

Moral of the story? Don’t do it. Just don’t. Don’t watch the bloody film. You can do so much better. If you’re going to watch this, stop, hit PAWS, and finding something – ANYTHING else to watch.

Zero cats out of five. Skip, skip, skip. I know I’ve put the trailer in here for your reference, but skip the trailer too.

 

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