Everyone’s complaining about how terrible the new Transformers movie is (going to be). There’s also the recent Mummy and Baywatch films to add to the list. Guess what? If NO ONE watches them, they can’t make them!
In some ways, losing The Reel Report was a blessing in disguise. Don’t get me wrong, I do miss parts of it, but there is one thing I absolutely do not miss.
Seeing shit movies.
Yes, you bet this includes the upcoming Transformers film, The Last Knight – which, unfortunately, for those of us with a pulse, this is not the last of anything from the franchise and Michael Bay. This also includes being able to skip The Mummy starring Tom Cruise, as well as that Baywatch film with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Zac Efron. And I am a big fan of Dwayne Johnson, so that one kind of hurt me a little.
While I understand that, on the back end, these films create jobs for not just actors, producers and directors (think set designers, make-up artists, catering businesses, visual and sound editors….and so on) why in the world would you put your name on a film no one will remember? I guess in some cases work is work, but by allowing idiots like director Michael Bay (Transformers) to keep making such awful films, they’ll eventually get to a point where they can’t break even at the box office, and guess who gets laid off? Hint: it’s not the director – it’s everyone else I just talked about working behind the scenes.
You only have to go back about a year in time to remember the open letter penned to Warner Brothers about how all the wrong people were afraid they were going to get punished for the abomination that was Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice. And I absolutely agree with those sentiments. It’s sad to know that you did your job, showed up to work each day, and then through no fault of your own, you end up being put at the risk of getting a pink slip because the film didn’t break even at the box office.
I recently read a pretty great review of the newest Transformers film – penned by Chris Knight (you can find it in The Province) in which some of the descriptions are everything I knew it would be and more. Allow me to highlight my favourite parts for you from Chris’s review.
“There’s a scene in the new Transformers where someone asks why endless waves of sentient robots keep crashing to Earth and causing mayhem. And it was at that point I realized this dreadful sci-fi series had become a metaphor for itself.”
“The plot is best ignored and should probably come with a mental health warning, but if I must … Remember the first live-action Transformers movie (10 years ago!) with the all-powerful Allspark? Or its sequel, Revenge of the Fallen, with the all-powerful Matrix of Leadership? Or Dark of the Moon, with the all-powerful Space Bridge? Or Age of Extinction, with the all-powerful element Transformium?”
Now, my one difference here is that I will not deny the first film a la Michael Bay the legacy that it left. It was Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox’s breakout film – which came out ten years ago – and launched them both into superstardom. There were some moments, like the fight scene in Mission City that were not the worst thing ever. Also, this was the first time we were going to see “live action” transformations by our robots in disguise from cars to robots and vice versa, so it also had that technological development going for it. And with the box office draw it had – being the 87th highest grossing movie of all time – I respect the 2007 film’s contributions.
But it should never have gone past the second film. In hindsight, it really shouldn’t have gone past the first one. A second one, though, is somewhat excusable with a big box office draw by its predecessor. Anything after that? No thanks. Making it to this point spells disaster on so many levels: it’s a waste of time for actors, people who work behind the scenes, and most importantly for film-goers.
It’s going to be a while before Hollywood decides to quench its thirst for original ideas. Want the process to speed up? Go with your gut instincts, and don’t see the shitty, rehashed, rebooted movie.